Haruhi Meets Harry
by Phoenix122333
Summary: Suzumiya Haruhi has always been one for abnormalities, things she calls interesting but other people would call odd. So when her father gets a job transfer to England...how could things turn out any different than this? Harry learns some things, some scandalous facts are brought into the light, and a Dark Lord is proved to be thoroughly cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs.
1. Movin' On Up

_**In following chapters, normal text will be English and italics will be Japanese. In this chapter it's reversed.**_

This story starts, as most do, with a wish. Now normally, when wishes are made, they're ignored. They might be a little selfish, or maybe just detrimental to others. Some wishes might not _need _divine intervention; they might be able to come true with a little hard work. Some wishes might have unforeseen circumstances that the wisher would not want – Most magical beings tried to protect wishers from this, though some didn't care. And some wishes, a small fraction of all wishes wished, are pure and selfless enough to be granted. But there is one person in the universe that gets _all _her wishes granted. There is one person in the world whose will and whims cannot be ignored. Who is this person, you may ask? Why, Haruhi Suzumiya, of course. She alone can make anything happen, anything at all. And at the moment everything started, she was bored. She was utterly, irrevocably, undeniably bored, and when Haruhi Suzumiya was bored she began to wish for things to be different. Usually, when Haruhi wished things like this, odd things happened. Earth-shattering, reality-twisting, universe-collapsing things. But since little seven-year-old Haruhi didn't wish for anything in particular, just, '_I wish the world would be more interesting..._', the higher being governing all existences from its place beyond space and time looked down on Haruhi with bored optical feedback appendages (because who knows if beings outside space and time have eyes?) and dismissively linked her fate with the most interesting thing that would happen in her self-imposed lifetime. Two things promptly occurred. The first thing was…well...

Haruhi rose lazily at the ringing of the house phone. "I got it!", she yelled to her parents, plucking the handset from the cradle and putting it to her ear. "Wahariha morgue, would you like to plan a birthday party?", she answered in a bored tone, but luckily her father's boss had met her before and said amusedly, "Hello Haruhi. Is your father in?". She made a noise of confirmation as she tracked him down in the living room. "Call from your boss, dad.", she said airily as she handed him the phone, then waited with a sense of half-interest as he listened to his boss. His eyes suddenly widened, his lips in the shape of a 'What?' as his superior continued talking, and when the slight buzzing of his voice ceased, he managed to get out a small, "I'll have to ask my family...", then a few seconds later, "Yes, of course. Thank you sir.". He hung up and dropped the phone limply, a smile slowly spreading across his face as he processed whatever information his boss had given him. "Well?", Haruhi finally demanded, and her father said, "Mr. Takanata offered me a promotion. I'd be overseeing the construction of a new overseas office and hiring new workers. And after that's finished, I'd be the head of the branch. It's in England.". Haruhi perked up considerably. England meant new opportunities. She had wrung out Japan of anything paranormal, or even merely strange, and the closest thing she got to a time traveler, alien, or ESPer was a guy who could make a king of hearts turn into a queen of diamonds.

Haruhi's mother, however, was not as enthusiastic as her daughter. "England? That's over in Europe! We wouldn't know anybody there, we'd have to get citizenship, and Haruhi would have to change schools! Not to mention the language barrier!", she protested worriedly, and Haruhi's dad said, "Honey... this is a big opportunity. I'd be in charge of a whole company branch, practically CEO! Plus…I'd be able to set my own hours, so I'd be home more often.". This got to her, Haruhi could tell. The subject of one of the only arguments Haruhi had ever heard her parents have was that her dad was never home enough. He was neglecting Haruhi and he was neglecting her, her mother had said, before promptly bursting into tears. Her father had hugged her tightly, muttering about how sorry he was and how he was going to do everything he could to fix it. The way she saw it, this was him making good on his promise.

"Well...", her mother started reluctantly, "I _have _always wanted to try writing a book. Maybe the change of scenery will inspire me.". "That's the spirit!", her father cried, "And you don't have to worry about a house either. The company is paying for _everything_. They're setting us up in a little house in Surrey, giving us money for furniture and redecoration...". His voice faded as Haruhi moved back into the hall, her mind already whirling through a dozen different plans and ideas. First she'd go around to all the houses in the neighborhood under the pretense of being new and wanting to meet any other children. Then she'd ask them if they had noticed anything odd about their parents...

That was the first thing that happened. The second thing was that far away from Haruhi, on almost the other side of the world, an enchanted quill sprung up from a table in its home in a Scottish castle. It flipped a voluminous book open, found a specific page, and in a space that had not existed a moment before, wrote the name of Suzumiya Haruhi. The quill respected other cultures.


	2. Haruhi Meets Harry

**Some Months After The Call…  
**  
Harry yawned as his Aunt pounded on the door of his cupboard, screaming something about making breakfast and his no good, drunkard parents. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he got dressed and went to the kitchen where Aunt Petunia was still screeching. Tuning her out like he always did, he opened the freezer and pulled out enough bacon for two fully-grown walrus'. Ignoring the fact that seven-year-olds probably shouldn't be cooking food with grease, he started frying the meat. Wincing as some grease popped onto his bare arm, he flipped the finished bacon onto a plate...and then made some extra. Just in case. He cracked about half a dozen eggs in the pan after that batch of bacon, putting some coffee on to brew while they fried. After another plate had been filled by these eggs he put both plates on the table, and as usual the two Dursley males chose just then to make an appearance. Harry silently poured Vernon a cup of coffee and, after setting it down in front of him, departed for his cupboard before they could yell at him some more.

In the safety of his room, Harry sighed as his stomach rumbled near-painfully. He was hungry, yes, but he knew that his relatives would say he'd been fed the day before and that that was enough. All the same, he wished he could have some of that bacon he'd been forced to cook...

"Boy!", his Aunt yelled, and he sighed again before exiting his cupboard and making his way back to the kitchen. "Yes Aunt Petunia?", he asked from his place in the doorway, and she replied crisply, "The flowerbeds out front are beginning to wilt. Tend to them.". "Yes Aunt Petunia.", he said, managing to keep anything negative out of his voice, and crossed the kitchen to the back door. He retrieved the gardening tools from the shed and went around the house to the front. There he began on the garden, digging out the weeds and filling the holes in with extra soil. He watered the flowerbed to loosen the soil before spreading some fertilizer over it, watering the fertilizer to loosen _it _up. Then he turned to the flowers themselves, pruning away the dead leaves and burying them in the bed. More protein for the flowers.

It was at this time he heard a, by the sound of its engine rattling, rather large vehicle approach. He turned to see a moving truck pull up to the recently-vacated number seven, followed closely by a rental car. The car doors opened to let a man, a woman, and a little girl hop out, and Harry briefly wondered if the new girl might want to be friends with him before viciously squashing the notion. He didn't want to condemn the poor girl to a Dudley beating just because he was lonely. His chivalry was destined to go unappreciated; in the split second it took for him to remember his cousin, the girl had spotted him and started making her way over to him. By the time he had risen to go inside, she was there. Now of course, Haruhi had just arrived in Surrey (and indeed, the country) that morning, but you must understand Haruhi gets whatever she wants. And what she wanted was to have an understanding of the English language in order to efficiently interrogate children about any strange goings-on. And of course, her parents had taken English in high school, so they could chalk her new language skills up to their teachings. As to _their_ near-perfect English…they just thought they did better in high school than they thought.

"My name is Suzumiya Haru...I mean, Haruhi Suzumiya. What's yours?", she asked innocently. Instead of answering her, Harry warned, "Best not be seen with me. My cousin beats up anybody who tries to be my friend.". A strange glint came into Haruhi's eyes at this, and she said, "I'd like to see him try. Now, your name?". Sighing at the girl who wouldn't remain friendly toward him for long, Harry said, "Harry Potter. Now you really should go before my cousin-", but he was cut off by a shout of, "Hey, Freak!". Haruhi peered around Harry and was amazed that the blob of blubber waddling toward her could even stand up, much less throw a punch. Harry sighed again and said, "I warned you.", before turning around and answering, "Yes Dudley?". "Mum wants you to come in and clean up after our breakfast.", he sneered, obviously enjoying that Harry had to clean up his mess. Then he noticed Haruhi.

"Who're you?", he asked bluntly, and Haruhi answered, "Haruhi Suzumiya. My family's moving in just down the street.". Dudley's eyes moved to the moving truck and rental car, and the two brain cells he had worked tirelessly to help him understand. At last, a spark of understanding appeared in his gaze, and he grunted to show it. Then he smiled a sickeningly wide grin and said, "Well Harihu-", Haruhi wincing at the mispronunciation, "-I don't think you want to be hanging out with him.". Dudley gestured to Harry vaguely, and Haruhi asked curiously, "Why?". It was evident he hadn't expected Haruhi to ask this, for he blinked stupidly for a few seconds before answering lamely, "Because he's a freak.". "Why? What does he do that makes him freakish?", Haruhi asked excitedly, and Dudley looked at her blankly for a moment before admitting, "Not supposed to say, but...". He looked behind him, as if expecting his parents to be standing there, before leaning in and whispering conspiratorially, ""Whenever Mum cuts his hair, it grows back overnight.". Haruhi looked ready to faint in excitement at this, but Dudley wasn't finished. Bolstered by telling her this little thing, he paused for affect before saying, "And one time, when we were chasing him... poof! He was gone. They found him on the roof.".

The girl was practically frothing at the mouth.

When she managed to get herself under control, she turned to Harry with fire in her eyes and said, quite calmly, "Show me.". The poor boy contemplated backing away slowly from the slightly-twitching girl, but then he remembered that running from bears ensured they'd chase after you. So he settled on telling the truth. "I can't. It only happens when I'm angry, or scared.", he confessed, and Haruhi looked a bit put out before she perked back up and said, "Alright then. I'll just hang around you until it shows up.". Harry blinked in stunned shock, which was marginally better than Dudley's gape. "You…you _want _to be around the freak?", he asked in astonishment, and Haruhi nodded fervently and said, "Yeah! I've been waiting my whole life for something weird, and he's it! So, Harry? We're friends now.". It was Dudley's turn to blink as this sentence registered in his mind; now _this _was something he could understand. He stepped forward menacingly, a sickening grin on his face as he said, "No, you're not.". Haruhi looked at him in confusion and restated slowly, as if talking to a small child (which, in intelligence, Dudley _was_), "Yes. We are. Didn't you just hear me?". Dudley frowned angrily and insisted, "No, you're not, because if you are I'll have to beat you up like the others.". Haruhi smiled devilishly and said, "You don't want to do that.", prompting Dudley to ask pompously, "And why not?". Instead of answering though, Haruhi demonstrated.

She pointed at Dudley dramatically, tears gathered in the corners of Haruhi's eyes as her little face scrunched up in misery and fear. Then she started bawling. "Moooommyyyyy! The mean boy says he's gonna beat me up!", she wailed, loud enough for the entire street to hear, thus causing her parents to rush over and pick her up. "Oh honey, which one?", her mother cooed comfortingly, and Haruhi wailed, "That one!", pointing still at Dudley. "Don't look at me!", he protested, pointing at Harry, "I'm just trying to stop her from being friends with him!". Well, this sentence proved to hurt to Dudley's defense more than help it, which he thought it would. It worked with his parents, so why shouldn't it work with these people? Instead of dismissing the infraction as he thought she would, Haruhi's mother asked stiffly, "Where are your parents?", and when Dudley pointed behind him at the house she strode past him quickly and rapped on the door. A few moments later a severe-looking Petunia answered the door with a clipped, "What?". Now, this behavior normally discouraged anybody from saying anything bad about anybody in Petunia's household (besides Harry, of course), but Haruhi's mother was not so easily cowed. "Your son just threatened to beat my daughter up for wanting to be friends with another boy.", she stated, and at this Petunia adopted a quite murderous look. "BOY! Get in here!", she screeched, and knowing that she meant him, Harry begin to slowly trudge toward the house with no small amount of bitterness. Haruhi, however, spoke up once again with, "Not him! He's the nice one, the one I wanted to be friends with. The other one.".

Dudley looked surprised that anybody would accuse him of, well, _anything_, but nonetheless started protesting. "She wanted to be friends with him, Mum, _the freak_! I was just trying to stop her!", he defended, and if it was just the Dursleys this would have been fine. It was not just the Dursleys, however, and so Petunia was forced to explain. "Our nephew is a bad influence.", she said distastefully, "A wannabe criminal. He's already stolen several things from the neighborhood children. He's enrolled at St. Brutus' Academy for Wayward Boys.". Haruhi's mother raised an eyebrow and looked behind her at a downtrodden-looking Harry, then asked her daughter, "_Does he seem like that type to you_?". Haruhi was a very good judge of character, you see, and her mother had learned to listen to her when she said something about someone. Petunia's eye narrowed at the use of Japanese as Haruhi replied, "_No_ hahaoya, _he's very nice._". Looking back to Petunia, Haruhi's mother said, "Yes, well, I'll believe that when I see it. In the meantime, if I hear anything about my daughter being forced away from…", trailing off and looking at Haruhi. "Harry, _hahaoya_.", Haruhi reminded her politely, and Haruhi's mother continued, "Yes, being forced away from Harry, you can expect consequences.". She put Haruhi down and told her to go play with Harry, then straightened up and said, "As it is, I'm going to have to talk to you about threats your boy has made toward my daughter.". And with that, she waltzed into the Dursley residence and closed the door.

"Mommy's gonna take care of it.", Haruhi said cheerily, all traces of her earlier crying gone. Harry and Dudley just stood there gaping, so much so that Haruhi was driven to rolling her eyes and grasping Harry's wrist to pull him away from the house. "_We're going to the park, _chichioya!", she yelled to her amused father, not bothering to look back as she murmured to Harry, "I don't know where the park is, so you'll have to lead the way.".


End file.
